wed. 9/17 - mon. 9/22/08

each day i have practiced asanas and meditated twice.

thurs. 9/4- tues. 9/16/08

whew.... what a weekend and monday! anyway... it's been longer than normal for me to journal my meditation and asana experience so here it goes! i continue to meditate twice daily and practice asanas, however i did miss last night and one night last week. on both occasions i had fallen asleep on the couch and when i awoke i went on to bed. otherwise, i continue regularly and generally look forward to this time. i began using a new mantra (thank you K) and have enjoyed that... i've also been meditating more outside, which i absolutely love! mostly doing so during the day but have done so at night and that was really cool!

my husband is expressing interest in beginning to meditate as well. he also sees the benefits this has had for me, which ofcourse benefits him and our family. though i've had challenges i can see where this practice has enabled me to tread the water as opposed to completely letting myself be taken under by the circumstance/emotion, and so can he... that's what i call progress;-)

my prayer is that i can continue to rest in this new place as i begin to transition to another part of my journey (very possibly starting a new job in the next few weeks). i know that there will be an adjustment period but i am committed to being compassionate with myself and others while relying on God for all. prayer, devotion, sacred texts, and ofcourse, meditations and asanas will all help to remind me of this reliance.

i've also had a wonderful experience of asking for more help from others and being able to better receive this help. that has been very hard in the past for me... i'm so appreciative of my family and friends and i just can't thank them enough. the support has been tremendous! it also allows me to continue the giving, and the receiving, with others... pretty cool! our network of love is surely underway!

wed. 8/27 - wed. 9/3/08

whew, meditating sick is a real challenge!!! meditating and asanas daily was just moving right along, really smooth and with ease until sunday! my soon to be 4 yoa son woke up sick sunday morning and i followed not too far after on monday night. that, as i said earlier, has thrown a little wrench in my daily meditation and asana practice. i've still been able to maintain the practice with the exception of last night (fell asleep before meditating) but it's definitely been a different experience. whether i've had medication in my system or not i've definitely been able to tune into the subtle, and sometimes not so subtle, differences in my body during these quite and still times while i've been sick. though this may not be greater goal of meditation it has been interesting and i've appreciated it. i'm also very okay with knowing that i've not been able to get beyond my body since i've been sick. in the past i would have been frustrated and vying for the end of the sickness but this time it's been different. i've enjoyed caring for myself and my son, it's nice to be in this place of acceptance and going with the ebb and flow. i know without a doubt that's the greater benefit of the regular practice of meditating, prayer, devotion, asanas, and service.

fri. 8/22 - tues. 8/26/08

so i continue to meditate twice daily and practice asanas... had a wonderful weekend for our training weekend. really enjoyed my time a little more freely and openly, ofcourse this translates into me speaking more and perhaps sharing in ways that may or may not be relevant for others but i wasn't too concerned with those outcomes this weekend as i felt i needed that opportunity. also, what i don't feel i need to share in class i had wonderful opportunities w/friends, one-on-one to share and process! one of which is a dear friend who just returned from service work abroad in many countries and a couple continents. one project involved living and serving folks in india who were in recovery from heroin, which was an amazing experience... so it was very nice to share w/her and process our experiences of this culturally significant practice (meditation/asanas) and how we relate it to our experiences.

it was very refreshing to hear her perspective of me and how i'm weaving these ideas in w/my christian foundation. she actually asked me if i was thinking of letting go of the christian paradigm and was relieved to hear i was not and that this experience has only grown and enriched my appreciation for my christian roots, not taken away. she comes from a Jewish family and feels she has had a very different experience in her religious/spiritual foundation building as a child and this is affecting her assimilation differently than mine. we compared and contrasted and enjoyed this time. she did say to me something that i still am humbled and is probably one of the greatest compliments i've ever been given. she stated she was so glad that i was continuing in my christian beliefs (while able to incorporate others and not buy into the whole "one and only way" belief) because she always regarded me as one of the "good Christians" that exemplify the teachings of Jesus. whew! i was totally overwhelmed w/emotion (couldn't help but tear up a little) as i surely know i'm not comfortable w/thinking of myself as a "good christian" but absolutely appreciative of her intention with this remark as i've devoted my whole life to be more like Jesus.

God knew i needed these experiences this weekend. i'm reminded of how everything does matter, my impact on others (good or bad and far beyond what i can ever know), and the importance of keeping an open mind and striving to hold unconditional positive regard (thanks rogers!)/unconditional love of others because we are all human in our divinity as Jesus so eloquently exemplified for me... i also know that if i am to give back to my community here in rural, western NC it is crucial i balance and assimilate these two traditions in a way that is genuine and accessible for all, not just a few. that is my path, i know this and i am grateful. i'm humbled that i'm grateful because this place of acceptance has taken many, many years to arrive with many, many bumps and bruises along the way. i no longer need those bumps and bruises as i have in the past... thanks be to God, shanti, shanti, shanti

sun. 8/17-thurs. 8/21/08

so i've meditated twice daily (except monday night) and did asanas everyday... continue to move forward w/job search and these practices, along w/others are making all the difference. it was beginning to look like i may have to compromise some ideals i've developed about the next job i took but something came along yesterday that is giving me hope. i'd felt all along that something i wasn't aware of would "pop" up and sure enough it did. it seemed so random however i have no doubt that there was nothing random about it... we'll see how it pans out, in the meantime i'm continuing forward w/faith knowing that God and many others are w/me in this process. i'm grateful and becoming much less fearful, dare i say, i'm not afraid;-)...

fri. 8/15 - sat. 8/16/08

in continue to meditate twice daily and do asanas and continue to see the positive impacts... so i think i am continuing to come out of those murky 4th cakra waters as i am able to relax more in situations that required much clearer, rigid boundaries in the not so distant past. as i go into serious job hunting mode i pray this continues...

i'm looking forward to seeing how mine and my husband's financial situation unfolds, we're both feeling very positive and only envisioning the best! we both are called to serve others and want to continue in that calling while being able to meet our family's basic needs... i imagine i'll be returning to some sort of work involving mental health and he wishes to be in the school system. it is still just a teency bit scary for me as i've been home since jan. 08 w/our son and really working on issues to bring myself more in balance. during this time my husband and i have been fortunate to get temporary income but his job dissolved as of monday and my income will end in sept. we've not really told anyone about his job, which has been hard at times, especially not telling my mother, but right now we both agree we just don't need the negativity associated with people's fear of these sort of situations. this has greatly increased my reliance on God and faith, as well as i think strengthened our (mine, my husband, and son) bond with one another just knowing and trusting we'll be provided.

wed. 8/13 - thurs. 8/14/08

well, continue to asanas and meditate twice daily... continue to get confirmation that this is indeed what i need to be doing. i'm looking to ramp up my job search which is still a little scary but yet exciting as i plan to incorporate my new found skills this time around and hopefully will prevent me from losing myself as i've done in the past. the idea of finding the balance while working full time again seems overwhelming but i don't know, because of recent changes in our income situation, that i can afford to do otherwise. i hope and pray for the wisdom to choose a path conducive to mine and my family's happiness and spiritual growth. also, i'd like to have some fun with the new income source... also been thinking that i'd enjoying doing a yoga class for kids/families... we'll see what comes!