fri. 8/22 - tues. 8/26/08

so i continue to meditate twice daily and practice asanas... had a wonderful weekend for our training weekend. really enjoyed my time a little more freely and openly, ofcourse this translates into me speaking more and perhaps sharing in ways that may or may not be relevant for others but i wasn't too concerned with those outcomes this weekend as i felt i needed that opportunity. also, what i don't feel i need to share in class i had wonderful opportunities w/friends, one-on-one to share and process! one of which is a dear friend who just returned from service work abroad in many countries and a couple continents. one project involved living and serving folks in india who were in recovery from heroin, which was an amazing experience... so it was very nice to share w/her and process our experiences of this culturally significant practice (meditation/asanas) and how we relate it to our experiences.

it was very refreshing to hear her perspective of me and how i'm weaving these ideas in w/my christian foundation. she actually asked me if i was thinking of letting go of the christian paradigm and was relieved to hear i was not and that this experience has only grown and enriched my appreciation for my christian roots, not taken away. she comes from a Jewish family and feels she has had a very different experience in her religious/spiritual foundation building as a child and this is affecting her assimilation differently than mine. we compared and contrasted and enjoyed this time. she did say to me something that i still am humbled and is probably one of the greatest compliments i've ever been given. she stated she was so glad that i was continuing in my christian beliefs (while able to incorporate others and not buy into the whole "one and only way" belief) because she always regarded me as one of the "good Christians" that exemplify the teachings of Jesus. whew! i was totally overwhelmed w/emotion (couldn't help but tear up a little) as i surely know i'm not comfortable w/thinking of myself as a "good christian" but absolutely appreciative of her intention with this remark as i've devoted my whole life to be more like Jesus.

God knew i needed these experiences this weekend. i'm reminded of how everything does matter, my impact on others (good or bad and far beyond what i can ever know), and the importance of keeping an open mind and striving to hold unconditional positive regard (thanks rogers!)/unconditional love of others because we are all human in our divinity as Jesus so eloquently exemplified for me... i also know that if i am to give back to my community here in rural, western NC it is crucial i balance and assimilate these two traditions in a way that is genuine and accessible for all, not just a few. that is my path, i know this and i am grateful. i'm humbled that i'm grateful because this place of acceptance has taken many, many years to arrive with many, many bumps and bruises along the way. i no longer need those bumps and bruises as i have in the past... thanks be to God, shanti, shanti, shanti

sun. 8/17-thurs. 8/21/08

so i've meditated twice daily (except monday night) and did asanas everyday... continue to move forward w/job search and these practices, along w/others are making all the difference. it was beginning to look like i may have to compromise some ideals i've developed about the next job i took but something came along yesterday that is giving me hope. i'd felt all along that something i wasn't aware of would "pop" up and sure enough it did. it seemed so random however i have no doubt that there was nothing random about it... we'll see how it pans out, in the meantime i'm continuing forward w/faith knowing that God and many others are w/me in this process. i'm grateful and becoming much less fearful, dare i say, i'm not afraid;-)...

fri. 8/15 - sat. 8/16/08

in continue to meditate twice daily and do asanas and continue to see the positive impacts... so i think i am continuing to come out of those murky 4th cakra waters as i am able to relax more in situations that required much clearer, rigid boundaries in the not so distant past. as i go into serious job hunting mode i pray this continues...

i'm looking forward to seeing how mine and my husband's financial situation unfolds, we're both feeling very positive and only envisioning the best! we both are called to serve others and want to continue in that calling while being able to meet our family's basic needs... i imagine i'll be returning to some sort of work involving mental health and he wishes to be in the school system. it is still just a teency bit scary for me as i've been home since jan. 08 w/our son and really working on issues to bring myself more in balance. during this time my husband and i have been fortunate to get temporary income but his job dissolved as of monday and my income will end in sept. we've not really told anyone about his job, which has been hard at times, especially not telling my mother, but right now we both agree we just don't need the negativity associated with people's fear of these sort of situations. this has greatly increased my reliance on God and faith, as well as i think strengthened our (mine, my husband, and son) bond with one another just knowing and trusting we'll be provided.

wed. 8/13 - thurs. 8/14/08

well, continue to asanas and meditate twice daily... continue to get confirmation that this is indeed what i need to be doing. i'm looking to ramp up my job search which is still a little scary but yet exciting as i plan to incorporate my new found skills this time around and hopefully will prevent me from losing myself as i've done in the past. the idea of finding the balance while working full time again seems overwhelming but i don't know, because of recent changes in our income situation, that i can afford to do otherwise. i hope and pray for the wisdom to choose a path conducive to mine and my family's happiness and spiritual growth. also, i'd like to have some fun with the new income source... also been thinking that i'd enjoying doing a yoga class for kids/families... we'll see what comes!

tues. 8/12/08

i meditated last night and this morning, as well as completed about 6 asanas yesterday and 3 so far today... i think i'm still coming out of my blah, because of some change of events as well as a seemingly answered prayer i really don't have any other choice than to get out of the blah! well, i do but i'm going to choose to go on out. i think i have been in those murky waters that we talked and read about in the 4th cakra work, i'm hoping i am going to emerge as that warrior that i know i am and better able to lead w/the heart. i think i'm seeing that i'm already taking those steps w/recent events, God give me the strength, wisdom, and courage to continue...

sun. 8/10/08 - mon. 8/11/08

so i'm feeling much better as of yesterday and so far today... i am very appreciative of the ever increasing knowledge of the coping skills and, well, just down right faith in God i'm developing with the addition of daily meditation. yes, the asanas help too but mostly the meditations. i'm very content today, as well as yesterday too. God continues to make right what i may have made wrong as my intention continues to be of service to Him. this is taking a very different path than what it would have in the past. it is requiring much faith, patience, and trust in the Divine and constantly not "buying" (literally & figuratively) into the world's idea of happiness or service. i don't want to go back, God won't let me anyway... i'm grateful!

wed. 7/30 - sat. 8/9/08

well, it's been a while and i know why... i've been really not into the whole yoga thing these days. i'm tired of doing all this stuff, tired of about everything right now, however i know this will pass and that's why i've all but forced myself to sit and do this blog.

i've been meditating and doing asanas (anywhere from about 1 to 8 a day) but i didn't attend a class until this past thurs. (went to joyce's studio and loved it, will continue to go there from here forward). though i felt i needed that break i can see where i begin to let too much tamas in and that takes me into some feelings of depression. i've missed two meditations during the last week and a half and i really miss those when i don't do them... i'm still trying to find that balance and just haven't quite found it yet. i've really been contemplating giving up on the program too but deep down i know i'm just going through a yuck phase right now and will be glad i didn't give up. i think it's time to try another routine altogether which will definately involve me getting up earlier. uggh, i just don't know that i want to right now but, well, we'll see...

i have also been experimenting with a new mantra and chanting routine... really just kind of mixing it up. it is a christian mantra as i've been spending some time researching christianity and yoga (those two do go very well together). that has been interesting. i've not decided on my project yet so i may do something regarding what i've been learning on these two subjects. okay, well, that's about all for now...