wed. 6/17/08- wed. 6/25/08

i'm still meditating everyday, twice a day and completing at least 3-6 asanas. i have begun to do more asanas related to helping arthritis per Asana Pranayama Mudra Bandha Anti-Rheumatic group. i also took a break last week from yoga class as my wrists and knees were hurting a lot! i'm going to go to a beginner class today (if they're still having it, i hope so!!) because i want to build back up gradually while my wrists and knees are healing. i'm also trying to create new ways of holding my wrists when doing chores, gardening, etc. so to build the muscle and not hurt anymore.

so, as i've been taking better care of my body, i'm noticing the need to make stronger boundaries with the relationships in my life. i've felt the need to retreat and be closer w/my son, husband, parents & brothers, and really haven't had much desire for much else. it seems that beyond this circle of family all else seems not so important, actually it seems like a bunch of hubbub! all this swirling, like people are just spinning their wheels trying to make it all happen. it's a turn off... as i say that i am also aware that i am passing a judgement and am trying to work on that as well. i'm trying to spend more of my energy/prana being able to decifer my own judgement vs. God revealing to me, but i also understand that that is an amazing skill that i have yet to feel confident.

that said, i again have to rely purely on faith, faith in God, faith in my relationship w/God, and faith in the day-to-day. this is still scary at times but we are reaping the benefits and i am in awe! jon and i have less income than ever in our lives (as i'm not working) yet all of our bills are getting paid on time, we're getting out of debt, and we are very happy! it's a very simple sort of living but we are very happy and experiencing amazing healing in our relationship w/each other and our families.

tues. 6/10/08 - tues. 6/17/08

i'm continuing to meditate twice a day everyday... i have to at this point. even when i am sooo sleepy at night and just want to lay my head down and go to bed, i have to meditate.

i've been through a lot recently, as i shared in class, God has really been giving me many opportunities to change the patterns from the multigenerational transmission of genes. i come from a long line of hard, yes, that's the key word here, hard working, only getting what you need by the sweat of your brow folk. not that there is anything wrong with that but unfortunately upon all the hard work they would abuse, instead of reward themselves with rest. the abuse came in many forms, well, all the forms we know. these actions reinforced a pattern of low self worth and the feeling of not having enough.

my parents have both made tremendous steps in breaking these chains and i am so thankful. they have been a catalyst of change for both of their families. my 3 brothers and i have been given the example of both honest work for honest pay balanced with rest. rest in God ultimately. this is still an on-going balancing act for them. sometimes they balance it themselves, often times one balances serves to balance the other.

for the last 10 - 15 years i'd been operating under the guise of work hard/play hard. well, that worked for about that long but the toll really begin to show since becoming a mother. i'm having to renegotiate every aspect of my life and perspective and God is giving me the opportunity to do so. daily meditation and asanas are yet another tool He's providing me to use to assist in this balancing act. i was unfortunately finding myself heading down the path of self abuse with substances and environments that were unhealthy. fortunately i was able to see that not only was this self abuse but a form of abuse to my family as i know that if i'm not taking really good care of me, i can't take care of my loved one's or anyone/thing else. it is a moment by moment journey. i'm excited where this path is taking me as i know i am here to do something big! i've always known this. not big in worldly terms but big in Divine terms. the something big is happening now as i break those old chains that bound the generations before me... thank God for this opportunity!

6/6/08 - 6/9/08

hooray!!! i've meditated twice a day everyday thus far! i'm beginning to get into sync. i've been completing approx. 6-12 asanas a day, typically done at meditation and throughout the day. i'm seeing the positive results and will continue on this path and am so thankful!

6/5/08

i meditated twice yesterday and once this morning. my intention was faithfulness, as my devotional spoke of how faithfulness = restfulness in God. wow, that's powerful stuff. it also spoke of God's gentle voice and how all these things create healing and rest that allow us to become more powerful in Him. as i said yesterday, i've definately turned a corner in my spiritual life, it's been in my ability to surrender. i'm faithful that this is the way! oh, yeah, i completed about 8 asanas w/my son yesterday, it was fun!!! i will complete some later this afternoon for today but have done a couple already.

a new day (summaries of experience for 5/23 - 6/4/08)

okay, okay, okay, i know i've really let this go... yes my internet was down for about a week but there was more than that going on and i'm just going to leave it at that because today is a new day!

i've been meditating at least once a day, everyday over the past couple weeks that i've not blogged, only on 3 of those days (yesterday, last tues. & last fri.) did i meditate twice. i've been in a process (especially since dec. 07) of eliminating barriers/obstacles in my life that interfere w/mine and my family's happiness and success in our lives together. over the last couple weeks i've been busy again w/eliminating some big one's. today was a big day!

this transformation is such a subtle, moment by moment process that often times feels like i'm making no progress at all. some days, however, i take leaps in this growth and these moments serve as proof of the validity of these new practices (daily meditation & asanas) paired w/some well established practices (prayer & devotion). i'm humbled that i continue to have these opportunities to grow and appreciate the depth of my transformation of returning to my true, divine self, a child of God here only by Grace to serve others in His image.

i'm grateful, hopeful, and again, very humbled by all. i've been in a lot of emotional pain lately. though often i despair, i am able to understand that this is necessary in teaching me to rely more and more on God. when i think of it in this way, i am thankful for this opportunity: this opportunity to greater know my limitations and understand Gods' lack of limitation. even more so, those closest to me are transforming in the same fashion and i'm just in total awe of God's power, compassion, strength, forgiveness, and love. i still struggle w/feeling worthy of this but i trust God will take this too... i'm on the cusp of something great and i'm so thankful i have the ability to know this, discern this, and be humbled by this.