tues. 6/10/08 - tues. 6/17/08

i'm continuing to meditate twice a day everyday... i have to at this point. even when i am sooo sleepy at night and just want to lay my head down and go to bed, i have to meditate.

i've been through a lot recently, as i shared in class, God has really been giving me many opportunities to change the patterns from the multigenerational transmission of genes. i come from a long line of hard, yes, that's the key word here, hard working, only getting what you need by the sweat of your brow folk. not that there is anything wrong with that but unfortunately upon all the hard work they would abuse, instead of reward themselves with rest. the abuse came in many forms, well, all the forms we know. these actions reinforced a pattern of low self worth and the feeling of not having enough.

my parents have both made tremendous steps in breaking these chains and i am so thankful. they have been a catalyst of change for both of their families. my 3 brothers and i have been given the example of both honest work for honest pay balanced with rest. rest in God ultimately. this is still an on-going balancing act for them. sometimes they balance it themselves, often times one balances serves to balance the other.

for the last 10 - 15 years i'd been operating under the guise of work hard/play hard. well, that worked for about that long but the toll really begin to show since becoming a mother. i'm having to renegotiate every aspect of my life and perspective and God is giving me the opportunity to do so. daily meditation and asanas are yet another tool He's providing me to use to assist in this balancing act. i was unfortunately finding myself heading down the path of self abuse with substances and environments that were unhealthy. fortunately i was able to see that not only was this self abuse but a form of abuse to my family as i know that if i'm not taking really good care of me, i can't take care of my loved one's or anyone/thing else. it is a moment by moment journey. i'm excited where this path is taking me as i know i am here to do something big! i've always known this. not big in worldly terms but big in Divine terms. the something big is happening now as i break those old chains that bound the generations before me... thank God for this opportunity!